the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
