i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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