wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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