Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
