Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
