found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
