went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
