Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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