Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
