I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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