i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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