I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
