Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
