Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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