I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
