Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
