onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
FUCK WHALES
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
