oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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