Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
