I feel great
I just peed on a car
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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