where am i from again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize