He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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