I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
