We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
