Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
