dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
