So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
