I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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