My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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