Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
