Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize