yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
