My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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