Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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