I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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