Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My dick has a subreddit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
