The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
