i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
