I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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