a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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