I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
