my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
