I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My dick has a subreddit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
