Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
