I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
