she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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