As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
