i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
