it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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