i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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