i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
