Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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