dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
