O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
