im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
