her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
