So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
