I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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