You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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