is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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