If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
