TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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