Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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