so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
