Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
