I am in a vortex of obligation.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we're making bets on your personal life
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
