Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
