I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
