Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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