; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
