White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
