every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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