I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Two words: blizzard sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
