At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
