i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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