What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
